Exhibit A
Red wine judgement
Measured, swirled, approved. Nobody needs a second opinion, though one will be provided anyway.
Presented by the family committee
A tribute with real evidence.
The assignment is simple: honour the man at the centre of the table without pretending he will escape the family jokes. The result is warm, pubby, food-led, trophy-forward, and built from openly licensed imagery rather than throwaway decoration.
- Height
- 6ft, despite repeated kitchen TV cabinet evidence
- Vintage
- 80 this year
- Trade
- Retired electrician, still inspecting
- Nap status
- Not asleep, just resting his eyes
- Cheese policy
- Not stinky. Apparently GORGEOUS.
Family gallery
Actual evidence from the archive.
Real moments from the committee: pub laughter, family trips, table-side negotiations, trophy hardware, and one official record of him absolutely not being asleep.
The official record
Seven exhibits for the champion.
Exhibit B
Golf committee
One putt can become a full technical review. The committee accepts this.
Exhibit C
Steak standards
Good food, properly respected. Anything overcooked goes straight to appeal.
Exhibit D
Fridge warning system
Stinky stinky cheese that makes people think twice before opening the fridge. He insists it does not stink, it smells GORGEOUS, and apparently it goes beautifully with crackers and grapes.
Exhibit E
Pub form
Best deployed near polished wood, good company, and a glass with a sensible pour.
Exhibit F
Retired, not decommissioned
The tools are technically down, but the professional inspection face remains active.
Exhibit G
Family table champion
The best place to celebrate him: a proper meal, stories repeated with confidence, and everyone together.
The Father's Day Open
Sink the winning putt.
Club
The family putter
Around 61 keeps the pace sensible and the trophy cabinet nervous.
Calibration unit
Age, height, and other disputed measurements.
80 this year: the vintage is serious, but the sense of humour is still doing overtime.
Height awareness audit
Current status: unaware. Door frames, top shelves, group photos, and the kitchen TV cabinet he used to crack his head on have all submitted written evidence.
Sleep committee report
Dad is absolutely not asleep. He is merely resting his eyes with the confidence of a man who will wake up and insist he heard every word, usually with: "I was watching that."
Emergency toast generator
Retired electrician, active legend, permanent pub asset.
Lifetime achievement
Winner: the family champion.
Awarded for services to fatherhood, father-in-law excellence, pub morale, golf analysis, steak judgement, electrical wisdom, Ireland-adjacent diplomacy, and being loved enough to have a website built in his honour.
From all of us
Happy Father's Day.
May the wine be good, the steak be right, the pub be close, the golf be forgiving, and the trophy stay proudly on display.